The Rules: I have taken a random interview from the internet in its completion (this specific one is an interview from Pitchforkmedia.com with pop singer, Annie).I have kept the interviewer's questions faithful to the original but I have changed all the answers. You can interpret the following as you will. Nevertheless, please enjoy.
Pitchfork: I have a bone to pick with you. The album version of "Heartbeat", before you go into the verse, there's an extra empty bar, and on the first beat the drums drop out. And then I bought the single, and you took away that bar. That empty bar was the best part of the whole song.
Annie: Wait...who are you?
Pitchfork: You've said before you wanted Anniemal to be a "happy album."
Annie: I still don't know who you are.
Pitchfork: Do you think you succeeded?
Annie: Yawn. Are we done with this yet? Do you know I'm just a pop musician? You're like all serious and s***.
Pitchfork: "Chewing Gum" is very mean.
Annie: So are you. HA!
Pitchfork: Who do you think is listening to your music? Teenagers? Old people? Internet types? I think it's internet types.
Annie: "Internet types"? Can you tell me what that means? It sounds like a nice way of saying "geeks". Are you a geek? Oops..I mean, an "internet type"? How many blogs do you have, you geek? Uh, I mean, you internet type!
Pitchfork: Are you bummed that you didn't do so well on the UK charts?
Annie: What do you think? No. I'm thrilled. When I released an album, I thought, I hope it does badly. I hope this album fails miserably. I put so much work into something and I did it only so I could watch the whole project completely fall flat on the UK charts. That was probably the dumbest question I have ever been asked.
Pitchfork: Röyksopp seemed to do well eventually.
Annie: You're not even trying here, are you? I think it's time for me to break into my signature non-sequitor mode.
Pitchfork: You've been pretty open about wanting to do well commercially.
Annie: Ummm...well, I would love a nice tuna sandwich. On whole wheat, please.
Pitchfork: What's with the band you're playing with? Who are they?
Annie: What are your feelings on genocide?
Pitchfork: What songs do you have prepared with the band?
Annie: You know...songs.
Pitchfork: From what I can tell though, Norway loves you.
Annie: Have you spoken to Norway? How do you know this? Do you even speak Norweigan? You are all lies. A truck full of lies on its way to the lies store which sells to people who buy lies. You are the lies king of lies land. You are King Lies. That is your name--now go by it!
Pitchfork: Tell me about being a musician in Bergen.
Annie: Generally, as a musician in Bergen, you buy an instrument and play it. You can borrow it from a friend or sibling though. But if they don't have one, you should buy one. Don't steal it. Then you either write something new or cover something that has already been written. You play songs which sometimes are recorded onto something called an album. Although, nowadays, we use CDs mostly. But some people think that CDs are being phased out due to the proliferation of digital music. Oh, and you drink a lot and do occasional drugs. Whatever you can get your hands on for cheap. And you, hopefully, "rock."
Pitchfork: Is writing your own songs important to you? Do you think it's important to your fans?
Annie: To the "internet types"? Nah. They're too busy blogging about their meta-existence and linking every website in the world to their own website. I do stay up at night thinking about the Iraqi/American conflict. I think that's kind of important.
Pitchfork: Have you had time to write new material for the next record?
Annie:I still don't know who you are.
Pitchfork: Juan Maclean?
Annie: Okay, Juan. I'm done here. Bye.