Thursday, November 11, 2004


Dear Coward,

Uhh...yeah, you.
Well, Ward...mind if I call you 'Ward' for short? I feel bad for you. Honest. Not in a condescending way, just in a man-are-you-in-for-a-rough-life-way. You are so out of touch with yourself and your emotions. You build these walls and won't allow yourself to be alone, to be introspective and self-aware. Instead of resolving your issues, you exacerbate them by offering yourself to any random person and finding comfort in the fleeting combination of convenience and false intimacy. Like Hall & Oates so eloquently said, you're out of touch (clap, clap).

Oh, yeah, you've used words like "love" and "happy" before but you have no idea what they mean. You think they're expressions or conditions that come and go with the seasons. Update, Cronkite; its so much more significant than that. It's true and potent, it's something so complex and essential that it requires effort and honesty, both of which you know nothing about. It's unfortunate that you won't allow yourself to see the riches you have to offer and that your self-image is so poor that the only way you can feel confident is by being in a relationship. Pretty tough talk, isn't this? Yeah, I know. Look, I'm not pulling punches here because you've never faced reality. And not that I should be the one to provide it...but if not now, when? Whoa, dude, look at your watch--it's reality o' clock. You're late.
I mean, do you realize that life will never get better the way it's being lived? It's just going to get harder and progressively more torturous if you perpetuate this behavior. It's a cycle, you see. If it's so easy for you to not feel right now then how can you expect to feel in the future? How can you expect to have a loving family when you don't even love yourself?

You ask how people don't get over each other within a month or two of their relationship's end...I think the fact that you're wondering that presents a major problem here, dontcha think? I've found that in life we are confronted with heavy and serious issues over and over again and the best way to deal with them is, appropriately enough, by dealing with them. Not by sweeping them under the carpet along with the collected dust from previous disasters. Coward, take comfort in your sweeping abilities. You are a great sweeper. If there were a sweeping event, you would win gold. Well, actually, maybe the silver because I know this other person who's a better sweeper than you. Bummer, ain't it? To think that, gosh, I'm so good at something and there's someone that can do it better. Sucks. I know.
And by the way, rebound ain't just a river in Egypt. Do you think any one considers what you have now to be sincere and real? Poor guy. He doesn't see what's coming in two months, in two years, whenever. Oh, it's coming. Trust me. Like a crazy self-proclaimed prophet, honey, I'm on the street corner with a sign that reads: the end is nigh.

Truthfully, you cowards really frustrate me because I can't relate to you. Unlike your kind, I try to handle problems head on. Work through them like those thousand piece puzzles. God, those are so challenging...but when they're done...I see this pretty picture of a horsey near a barn with flowers and stuff.

Here's my advice: grow up. You're not in high school anymore so act like it. I remember being in high school because it was so traumatic. How was I supposed to know that Champion sweatshirts weren't cool? But I spent those four years learning about myself through others. It took me some time but I finally realized that that's a mistake. Throughout the past few years, I have been learning about myself from myself. You have learned nothing. After all, you're a coward. And cowards are afraid of being alone, of finding out the harsh reality, of confronting themselves and the truth that comes along with all of that.

I've got a big heart. I care and I love... and if I can be so bold, I think that that’s what makes me special. I don't get over people easily and I'm proud of that. You know, I'm finding that being brave is so very hard. Frankly, I'm nervous and scared and unsure of the future. But I commence on this journey...not alone, with friends. Henceforth, the rules and the game all changes. I won't be afraid because I'm not coward.
That's your role.


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