Tuesday, November 29, 2005


Ask random friends to instantly tell you something funny and this is what you may hear...or not.

Q: What do u call an Italian man w/ a rubber toe?
A: Roberto.

Why this is funny: Because Roberto is an Italian sounding name which, coincidentally, also sounds like "rubber toe." Moreover, it is rare to really see a man with a true rubber toe. But perhaps I'm wrong. Maybe rubber toes are all the rage in the prosthetic digits market. Which would then make the joke a bit less funny because it's almost reality-based.

Use this joke on children ranging from ages 3-11, or adults that enjoy humor involving bouncing appendages.

Judy gave me a pair of panties today.

Why this is funny: Brock is a man. He is a tall, soft-spoken man. Imagining him in panties is pretty funny. Finding out that said panties are also blush pink makes this statement even funnier. Or gross. I'm not sure yet.

Use this joke with people who know both Brock and panties. Not one or the other.

I can't.
I'm humorless.

Why this is funny: It's funny, only sort of, because Noah can't follow directions. He did not tell us something funny but rather, he wrote us a haiku. And as most poets will tell you, poetry isn't funny. It's very serious stuff. And by "serious," of course they mean "boring." Note to Noah: haikus aren't funny. Follow directions.

Use this joke on your therapist. I'm sure he'll have something to say about it.

Two Jewish guys walk into a bar, right.. And the one Jew.. He's like, totally gay..
Wait.. Wait.. I forget the punchline.

Why this is funny: As you may have guessed, this isn't funny because we don't ever find out what happens at the end. In fact, this is frankly unnerving. Thanks to Anthony and his selective memory, the two individuals (whether one is gay or not is not our business. Unless this bar did not serve gay men. Which would be wrong and inconsiderate. And in that case, this would no longer be a joke but rather a potential law-suit) that walked into the bar will never know their own fate. You could always improvise your own ending by using the "and one says "ow"" standard but then their religion and sexual preference is irrelevant and should be left out. Unless you say "oy vey, ow" or "ow" with a subtle lisp. Then it would be both relevant and somewhat funny, although nowhere near hysterical.

Use this joke with your boisterous uncle that always appreciates a gay or Jewish joke.

ummm...sorry, i gots nothin'.

Why this is funny: Actually, Megan isn't really trying here at all. Unless this is her criticism on humor and society as a whole which would therein make her a editorial genius. Whoa, Megan. I have been under-using your wisdow.

My department is doing winter wonderland with props and snowflake turtlenecks and karaoke at the holiday party in front of the entire company, choreographed and all that complete with props.

Why this is funny: Any time you have a group of twenty-somethings in snowflaked mock turtlenecks, you already have a joke waiting to happen. If there was justice in the world, we would see a gathering like this wherever we went. And furthermore, watching Ilana's whole company watch this small and soon-to-be-mocked turtlenecked choir belt out a holiday classic earnestly, complete with props such as candy canes and plastic reindeer make this a unfortunate and tragic-in-a-good-way holiday scenario straight out of the unwritten Office Space sequel. Upon closer analysis, we see that the company is also too cheap to hire a band and demands that the choir perform "Winter Wonderland" accompanied by a cassette recording.

Use this joke whenever you can. Something like this happens all too rarely.

i like Arye.

Why this is funny: This also is not funny. It's sweet and sincere. And despite Miryam's attempt at being sarcastic, textbook psychology dictates that behind every joke is a little bit of truth. In this instance, it's a whole lot of truth. You like Arye. All of you do...?

Use this joke with no one. Cuz it's not funny. It's actually quite true, and I'm getting teary just thinking about all the lurve.


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