AN EMAIL EXCHANGE: TOM CRUISE AND MEL GIBSON
Subject: Wha?
From: Mel Gibson
Date: Mon, August 21, 2006 2:14 pm
To: Tom Cruise
Dude,
What happened here? I thought people liked us. This is some serious backlash. Any ideas how we can get out of this?
Best,
Mel
*******************
Subject: Re: Wha?
From: Tom Cruise
Date: Mon, August 21, 2006 2:26 pm
To: Mel Gibson
Mel
You're telling me. I have NO idea what's going on here. You and me--we were huge and now poof, I'm crazy and you're an anti-semite.
And not for nothing, I kinda agree with you on the Jews and war point. I have proof that the Jews were even responsible for the French and Indian War.
Have you ever considered Scientology? It could help you with your problems. And besides, Christianity is so 2005.
Hit me back, bro. I may not respond right away though. I am crazed with this whole Suri fiasco. Let me tell you this: pretending to have a daughter is exhausting.
- T
*******************
Subject: Re: Re: Wha?
From: Mel Gibson
Date: Mon, August 21, 2006 2:53 pm
To: Tom Cruise
I hear ya, man. I have been pretending for years to be something I'm not. it's hard holding your tongue for as long as I have. In a way, it's kind of refreshing to come out and say what I mean. Finally. You know what I'm saying? It's like that Matt Lauer interview you did a while back. Did I tell you how right on you were? Matt is so smug. I mean, dude, you're on a popular morning show. Good for you. High-effing-five. Where you in Braveheart? No. Was that you in the Lethal Weapon series? No. Did you inspire thousands with your retelling of the New Testament? I think not. So like, who do you think you are with your thinning hair and what have. If they wrote me an email asking me to come on the show, I would write two seperate emails back saying "no" and "thanks." Two emails to get the messag across. Know what I'm saying? Oh, and Danny Glover can't get a cab not because he's black. It's because he's a bad actor.
Best,
Mel
***********************
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Wha?
From: Tom Cruise
Date: Mon, August 21, 2006 3:22 pm
To: Mel Gibson
Yeah, Matt's a pain-in-the-ass all right. But do you know who's a bigger pain? Katie. She keeps nagging me about having a baby and I'm like, Katie, you have an imaginary baby. What could be better than that? No diapers. No crying. No waking up in the middle of the night to feed.
In retrospect, I'm kinda sorry I jumped on that couch for her. I realize now that she's not really couch-jumping-worthy. She's probably more like a love-seat worthy. But couch...? Not so sure.
And "Tomkat"? Eww. How about Crulmes? I like that one better.
-T
*******************
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Wha?
From: Mel Gibson
Date: Mon, August 21, 2006 4:12 pm
To: Tom Cruise
Yeah, I hear you but I don't really care so much about silly things, Tom. I made a movie about Jesus, for God's sake. Do you really care what they call you and Katie?
What can we do here to fix our reputation? Maybe a collaboration? Like they do in the comic books - Braveheart Vs. Ethan Hunt? How awesome is this idea? It could totally work...on the condition that no Jews are involved.
I'm feeling this one. Hit me back, Tom.
Best,
M
*******************
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Wha?
From: Tom Cruise
Date: Mon, August 21, 2006 4:50 pm
To: Mel Gibson
You're on to something here, Mel. I like it. But how about Jerry McGuire 2 and he works with that guy from The Man Without a Face teaching him how to be confident? This could totally work.
Or how about Lethal Risky Business Weapon? You see where I'm going? Is there some way we can include Scientology in there somewhere?
Gotta go pretend to feed Suri. Be back in a bit.
- T
*******************
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Wha?
From: Mel Gibson
Date: Mon, August 21, 2006 5:15 pm
To: Tom Cruise
Cool. Sounds good. I'm going out for a few drinks. Give me a call later and make sure I'm not in the car. Also, I have no idea where "sugartits" came from. I have never even heard that phrase used.
Best,
A
Ps You know that the Jews killed L. Ron Hubbard, right?
Subject: Wha?
From: Mel Gibson
Date: Mon, August 21, 2006 2:14 pm
To: Tom Cruise
Dude,
What happened here? I thought people liked us. This is some serious backlash. Any ideas how we can get out of this?
Best,
Mel
*******************
Subject: Re: Wha?
From: Tom Cruise
Date: Mon, August 21, 2006 2:26 pm
To: Mel Gibson
Mel
You're telling me. I have NO idea what's going on here. You and me--we were huge and now poof, I'm crazy and you're an anti-semite.
And not for nothing, I kinda agree with you on the Jews and war point. I have proof that the Jews were even responsible for the French and Indian War.
Have you ever considered Scientology? It could help you with your problems. And besides, Christianity is so 2005.
Hit me back, bro. I may not respond right away though. I am crazed with this whole Suri fiasco. Let me tell you this: pretending to have a daughter is exhausting.
- T
*******************
Subject: Re: Re: Wha?
From: Mel Gibson
Date: Mon, August 21, 2006 2:53 pm
To: Tom Cruise
I hear ya, man. I have been pretending for years to be something I'm not. it's hard holding your tongue for as long as I have. In a way, it's kind of refreshing to come out and say what I mean. Finally. You know what I'm saying? It's like that Matt Lauer interview you did a while back. Did I tell you how right on you were? Matt is so smug. I mean, dude, you're on a popular morning show. Good for you. High-effing-five. Where you in Braveheart? No. Was that you in the Lethal Weapon series? No. Did you inspire thousands with your retelling of the New Testament? I think not. So like, who do you think you are with your thinning hair and what have. If they wrote me an email asking me to come on the show, I would write two seperate emails back saying "no" and "thanks." Two emails to get the messag across. Know what I'm saying? Oh, and Danny Glover can't get a cab not because he's black. It's because he's a bad actor.
Best,
Mel
***********************
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Wha?
From: Tom Cruise
Date: Mon, August 21, 2006 3:22 pm
To: Mel Gibson
Yeah, Matt's a pain-in-the-ass all right. But do you know who's a bigger pain? Katie. She keeps nagging me about having a baby and I'm like, Katie, you have an imaginary baby. What could be better than that? No diapers. No crying. No waking up in the middle of the night to feed.
In retrospect, I'm kinda sorry I jumped on that couch for her. I realize now that she's not really couch-jumping-worthy. She's probably more like a love-seat worthy. But couch...? Not so sure.
And "Tomkat"? Eww. How about Crulmes? I like that one better.
-T
*******************
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Wha?
From: Mel Gibson
Date: Mon, August 21, 2006 4:12 pm
To: Tom Cruise
Yeah, I hear you but I don't really care so much about silly things, Tom. I made a movie about Jesus, for God's sake. Do you really care what they call you and Katie?
What can we do here to fix our reputation? Maybe a collaboration? Like they do in the comic books - Braveheart Vs. Ethan Hunt? How awesome is this idea? It could totally work...on the condition that no Jews are involved.
I'm feeling this one. Hit me back, Tom.
Best,
M
*******************
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Wha?
From: Tom Cruise
Date: Mon, August 21, 2006 4:50 pm
To: Mel Gibson
You're on to something here, Mel. I like it. But how about Jerry McGuire 2 and he works with that guy from The Man Without a Face teaching him how to be confident? This could totally work.
Or how about Lethal Risky Business Weapon? You see where I'm going? Is there some way we can include Scientology in there somewhere?
Gotta go pretend to feed Suri. Be back in a bit.
- T
*******************
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Wha?
From: Mel Gibson
Date: Mon, August 21, 2006 5:15 pm
To: Tom Cruise
Cool. Sounds good. I'm going out for a few drinks. Give me a call later and make sure I'm not in the car. Also, I have no idea where "sugartits" came from. I have never even heard that phrase used.
Best,
A
Ps You know that the Jews killed L. Ron Hubbard, right?
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