Monday, December 20, 2004


I am tired of running. So. Friggin'! Tired. And come to think of it, I can't help but blame you for putting me through all of this. There were precautions we could have taken like more vitamin C, more could have worn a hat with that wet hair. But no. You had to 'look good' and worry about hat hair. That's just seriously lame, dude. Like so lame. I've got a song for you: 'You're So Vain' by Carly Simon. And, kiddo, it is sooo about you and your stinkin' hat hair.

As a result of your silliness and blase attitude towards health and well being, I am suffering with all this running and pain. Oh, the pain. And lotion my butt! I'm still sore and red. So it's wasted money. Money that Mr. Kleenex is adding to his piles and piles of dollar bills because of silly people like you who refuse to take precautions. And I don't handle running well, if you haven't noticed. I don't have a fancy pair of sneakers or feet or argyle socks and that just sucks because I kinda like those Vans with the checkers and would've loved a pair but then again, they're so played out, aren't they?

It would be so nice to smell something, ya' know? Something. Anything. A scent. It doesn't even have to be a good one...I mean, it shouldn't be a bad one but it should be something that I can distinguish. Oh, that's fish, I could say. And that's coffee, I could say, all because I smell them. Remember how fun that was? Smelling? Not like wheee-look-at-us-fun but like God-given-right-fun.

Frankly, and I'm tired of all the Rudolph references. It was cute the first time especially considering this time of the year but now it's just tired. Next person who makes that joke...I will just sneeze on them. Swear.

I know we will make it through this as we have in the past but--hey--we didn't have to go through this in the first place. This could have been avoided. Do me a favor: drink some tea. Drink a lot of tea. Take some medicine and make sure it's not drowsy. You always make that mistake. And then you fall asleep and you're cranky and people don't like talking to you. Whatev. Just not worth it. Have some hot soup. And for God's sake, vitamin C. Take so much vitamin C, you'll turn orange and you'll look in the mirror and see your skin is orange and think, cool, so this is how I would look if I was orange. Fight this cold like you are Tyson and it is Holyfield. Bite its ear. It deserves a good ear-biting.

Godspeed. Don't let me down. Like you did last week with the wet hair fiasco.


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