Wednesday, February 16, 2005


"So, what are you afraid of?" she asked.
"The leap," he said.
"The what?" she asked again. She understood many things in life but one of the things she didn't understand was he.
"The leap. You know--taking the leap. It seems like this constant concern in my life. Like a reoccurring fear. It doesn't have to apply to a specific leap but just the general idea of it. Motivating myself to take that initial jump. It's very intimidating."
"Go on."
"Well, this question keeps popping up in my head; is it our hesitations and fears that are blinding us from realizing our true desires? Are they there right in front of our faces but we can't see them?"
"Like maybe our complacency forces us into denying ourselves of the truer things in life. The bigger picture."
"Yes. That's exactly it," he took another sip of his chamomile tea slightly burning his tongue on the hot water. "Ouch. It's hot--well...yeah...this is what I'm saying. We get comfortable in our comfort zone. It's so hard to move from a safe place. Who would want to subject himself or herself to uncertainly, to risk-taking, to chance? There is so much involved."
"Like what?"
"Like heartbreak, disappointment, frustration..."
"But there's always a chance that none of the sentiments will ever be experienced."
"True. Very true. But that's the risk. This is why the leap is hard because as much as you want to be a part of something wonderful and new, something truly great, there's always this thought in the back of your head like a pestering child tapping tapping tapping away reminding you that there is a possibility that you will walk out of this with certain scars. After all, you've experience them before--what makes you think this time is different?"
"That's such a negative attitude. You're like this cynical girl out of an Avril Lavigne song that thinks her life is one big drama. It's not always like that."
"But how do you find a medium. A spattering of skepticism in an overwhelmingly positive attitude."
"We're talking in too many ambiguities. I need examples."
"But that's exactly it. I'm not talking about anything specific. I'm talking about life as a whole. Where am I now?"
"In a bar."
"No. No. That's not what I mean. I mean it in a larger sense. Where am I in this world? Where did all the hours go that I could have written that book already, learned how to play guitar better, record an album, become better read? How did I let them all slip away? Because in some sense it all stems from not taking the leap. As the years go by, I lose my angst, my passion, my flexibility. I become a hardened branch with the only option of hardening further or ultimately breaking."
"Maybe fear is healthy though. Maybe insecurities and fear is what keeps us humble and angry. You can definitely tell the difference between passionate artists doing something because he or she believes in art. That song, that picture, that book--they're like children, birthed and raised, nurtured and loved. But you can tell the difference when someone becomes comfortable in their own skin. Life becomes a boring series of events. Pretty soon, you regress from a color television to a black and white photo."
"Staying hungry, eh?"
"No one says you have to know everything. No one says that the leap involves knowing what you're leaping into. I feel like that is a total misunderstanding. The fear, the doubt, the uncertainly--my friend! This is all what makes living worthwhile. Day to day, month to month. Life is a series of random events but be open to the randomness. The safety will not make room for that."
"So you're saying that once we aknowledge that taking the leap is the only certain thing about the leap...then we'll be more inclined to take them."
"Exactly. No one else is involved in the taking of a leap. If someone else was hypothetically involved then it becomes a push. You're being pushed. So ultimately the only person holding ourselves back from realizing our potential is ourself. Ego is nothing. Is that what keeps us back from confronting failure like a super villian? Not knowing what could happen...that is everything."
"Yes, ego. Why don't we take chances? Afraid of embarassment? Disappointment? Hurt feeling? Poo to all of them. When we believe in ourselves, our ability, none of that will matter."
"Remember those animals they told us about when we were kids? The ones that jumped off cliffs?"
"The lemmings?"
"Yeah...the lemmings. Well, I remember thinking how unfortunate thar was. That they would en masse take their own lives into their own paws or claws and just jump off a cliff."
"It does seem pretty ridiculous. Like almost a waste of an animal."
"Totally. What a waste."


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