Wednesday, April 05, 2006


When the broker leaves his home to show apartments, he never comes fully dressed.

Bring Back Sincerity: Thank you so much for joining us tonight, Real Estate Broker. I know your schedule must be very full so...
Real Estate Broker: For you? Honest, I would always make time for you. Not so for other people but you're special. Seriously.
BBS: Wow. Thank you for your kind words.
REB: Now, I could tell you what you want to hear but I won't. I say the truth and I know this is a great interview. You won't find an interview like this anywhere in the world. This is a truly amazing opportunity. Truly.
BBS: Ha ha. Okay shall we begin the interview?
REB: I am absolutely ready. I have an appointment in twenty minutes but the next one thousand and two hundred seconds are special. Not like that other appointment. I feel it. There's a vibe here. In my gut.
BBS: When did you start working as a real estate broker in New York?
REB: Well, I can answer that question with two answers...actually, let me answer it with two answers converted into a three-part answer. So really it's two answers but the answers are so impressive that there's room to turn it into three answers. My first answer is that I simply love people. I want to do good things for them. I want to find them a great, affordable place. It's all I want. The broker's fee is incidental. I feel like I could do this job for free. Secondly, I get great exercise. I love walking around New York from place to place with people I hardly know spending sometimes hours showing off exciting and new places. I also happen to be a very big fan of gentrification. I think it is so in right now.
BBS: Do you enjoy the hustle of being a broker?
REB: I am going to answer this question now. Do you know why?
BBS: Why?
REB: Because if I wait a few more minutes this question may be gone. Crazy, I know. But if I hesitate in answering your terrific, well-researched question then I may never have the chance to answer it. Period. That's how these things work. It's there one minute, and gone the next. I always answer good questions right away because, frankly, I hate to say it, someone may answer it instead of me. And then I would live the rest of my life regreting that I didn't answer that question...
BBS: Where are you from?
REB: Where do you want me to be from?
BBS: When you list an apartment, would you consider the small maid's room as a full bedroom?
REB: Sure. I know a lot of very short people who would consider that room ideal. There are little people who don't need a ton of space and that's perfect for them. In fact, not considering that a real bedroom may even be offensive to those small people. Have you considered that?
BBS: Brokers have a very bad reputation. People say they're shady. They're dishonest and the only interests they have is their own. Can you address that?
REB: This is the first I'm hearing of that. And to be honest, I can't even imagine where that reputation would even come from.
BBS: Can we do a word-association now?
REB: Absolutely.
BBS: Okay, here we go. Low-income family.
REB: I wish I had something to show you but I don', wait, you said "word association" not "role playing," right?
BBS: Yes, please. Now, Harlem.
REB: Upper Upper West Side.
BBS: Walk-up.
REB: Excercise-conduscive.
BBS: Affordable.
REB: Impossible.
BBS: Speaking of; what do you think will happen to all the people who can't afford living in New York City anymore?
REB: Well, I could always show them some lovely apartments in Albany, which is actually now known as North Manhattan. Or as we say, NoMa.
BBS: Our time has run out. Broker, I want to thank you for coming and speaking with Bring Back Sincerity.
REB: My pleasure. Seriously. Here's my card. Call me if you ever need a place to live. I am the best in the business. Do not waste your time with anyone else. No one else.


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