Thursday, August 31, 2006


In an effort to capitalize on the racial competition craze inspired by Survivor: Cook Island, major networks are considering tweaking with their already-successful formulas to determine whether controversy can also bring them angry minorities, i.e., more viewers.

______ American Idol - Producers of the popular karaoke series leave a blank space in the beginning of the title so the respective ethnicities of the competitors can fill it in themselves. African-American Idol competitors will be encouraged to sing only R&B songs but producers also accept that "they will rap, which does not count as singing but for the sake of racial diversity, we will count it," said one Idolatror. Chinese-Americans will be judged on their saw-playing abilities, while Jewish-Americans (technically, not a race, but incorporated into the show as a criticism on Survivor's upcoming Jew-less season) are entered into the klezmer category, which has technically and "unofficially" lost even before the series has begun.

Girlfriends - CW's group of Girlfriends return for a new season but this time one of the girlfriends is white. This is an incredible acheivement considering a white woman has never really been considered a "girlfriend" and for good reason. As a writer for the show confirms, most white women are "whiney, skinny bitches."

Two And A Half Men And Some Minorities - The popular Charlie Sheen half-hour comedy returns with last season's cast but this time, producers of the show will introduce minority characters intermittently throughout the season without explanation or relevence to the storyline. They will simply walk on the sets and then, seconds later, walk off.

The Bachelor: Racist - Reality guru/producer Mike Heiss found the star of this upcoming reality series easily. "When we sent out a notice for a racist, we were overwhelmed by the responses," said Heiss. But they found their racist, coincidentally, a producer of Survivor: Cook Island. "What are the chances," he added? The new Bachelor pick, or the Racist, will have to chose one lucky lady amongst the competitors which--here's the curveball--are all minorities. "This show is going to get to the heart of America's race issues. This is, in no way, taking advantage of our latent, sub-level racial dividers."

Law & Order: Minority Report - This fifth Law & Order spin-off spends an hour each week solving racial and ethnic stereotypes, like why Jews are so cheap, African Americans are such great athletes and Chinese people can't drive.

The O.C. - In it's fifth season, the Cohen family deals with the death of Mischa Barton's character Marissa, and also discovers that there are minorities in the world. "We acknowledge that The O.C. has been very focused on white people in the past few years," says creator Josh Schwartz, "which is why we'll introduce the Cohen family's Mexican cleaning lady, Rosa."


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