Wednesday, July 13, 2005

SADLY, IT'S TRUE. ALL COMIC BOOKS FANS ARE PERVERTS AND THESE PERVERTS WANT JESSICA ALBA.



While I may not be proud of the fact (and I know my girlfriend is certainly not either), I occasionally buy action figures...err, I mean, collectibles. I think they're funny, make great wall decorations and will be worth some decent bank one day. And on the rare occasion, I shanty over to the "collectible" websites to find something interesting or collectible. You know; I dabble.

After seeing Sin City in the theaters, I checked online for some of the movie's figures and found that Jessica Alba's character, Nancy, is the most expensive figure of the bunch. While they are all impressivley designed, somehow, Alba's figure was designed best.
See here: Sin City Collectibles
Half way down, you'll note that Nancy comes in four varieties: one black and white figure with straight hair and one color. Then the other set is Nancy with blowing hair because that's so radically different. One is straight, meaning, there is no wind present, and the other is blowing, indicating that there is a strong gust "blowing" through Nancy's unnaturally dyed hair and someone must have either left the door ajar or the window open. Whoever did that should close it and then be asked if he or she were born in a barn. All four Alba figures start at $34.95 and only go up from there. That's approximately twenty dollars more than the rest of the set. Including the Miho, Goldie (Jamie King), Shellie (Brittany Murphy) and Gail (Rosario Dawson) figures, who, by the way, all happen to be hot.

Okay. It happens. But twice?!?!

If you've seen the commercials or the previews, you know that Susan Richards, the Invisible Woman, is played by none other than Jessica Alba. Her figure....damn! I mean, her collectible comes in only three varieties but I need to clarify that we are just discussing Series One (Series Two will be out soon). She is either available as completely visible, half visible-half invisible, or completely invisible. Much to the disappointment of the comic fan, the Invisible Woman figure does not come in naked. Yet.
If you look on the website (and I've checked many others and they all offer the same prices) for the Fantastic Four action figures, Alba's figures are over twenty dollars more than the Things, the Human Torch and Mister Fantastic. Imagine having the last name Fantastic and being sold for twenty dollars less than your wife. Absolutely humiliating.

I can't help but find this Alba-inflation creepy. There are comic book fans that are so in love with Jessica Alba that they're willing to spend almost $230 in total for her likeness with straight hair, blowing hair, invisible hair, half invisible, color, black and white, and totally invisible. Where is their dignity and pride? Why aren't these desperate fiends ashamed of their idolatry? Why can't they just rent a copy of Honey and save a few dollars? It just doesn't make sense to me.
I, on the other hand, will wait until they're cheaper on eBay.

2 Comments:

Anonymous judi said...

Y'know, I might have some old (but still in good condition) Barbie dolls. If you think Jessica's somethin', you should check out these vinyl hotties. And I do still owe you a birthday present. I could even throw in a Beanie Baby, which should absolutely thrill your girlfriend.

5:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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11:25 AM  

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