Tuesday, May 04, 2004


Ezra writes:

"To answer your blog question - I read it avidly."

Arye answers:

Well, Ezra, I'm pretty sure that it's not a question but I appreciate it nevertheless. It is quite sweet of you to write in and I love hearing from BBS readers.
Oh...but wait. Am I being dumb? Was that indeed a question as in "I read it avidly?" If that is the case, then the answer is, yes. You should read it avidly because I want you to have as much sincerity in your life as possible. It's low in carbs and high in protein.

Frustrated asks:

"Dear Bring Back Sincerity Man,

Last week I asked The Strokes to be my friendster. And they declined me.
Why? I mean, my smile is just as goofy's as Drew Barrymore's. Besides, dont
they have to oblige their fans who spent over $15 on an album where one can
barely hear them - a cacophony of muffled voices? I want to be their
friendster. Is it impolite to send a message and ask them why they refused
my online love? Could this somewhat be related to the fact that I wrote
"ABBA's greatest hits" in my profile's favorite music box? Please help as I
can't get a Casablancas testimonial without first winning their friendstership.

Frustrated in the Upper West Side"

Arye answers:

Frustrated, the first problem with your question is that you spent 15 dollars on a Strokes CD. Golly! What's it like over there in Rich Land? And when can you take me out for dinner? How about every night this week?
Two words, Frustrated: "Down" and "load." Ya' see, you'll be 15 dollars richer and then you won't feel that Fabrizio owes you a testimonial. See how simple it is. Besides, everyone know how exclusive the Strokes Friendster membership is. Heck, I heard Jake Gyllenhall was even rejected.
Also; fret not. You are not alone. I am still waiting for Winona Ryder to call me and propose my hand in marriage and she has yet to do so. That, my friend, is so uncool.

Ms. Smith asks:

"Dear BBS,

I think the Darkness sucks my cuddly bare white tush. But everyone else
seems to adore them and in hopes that this doesnt turn into an episode of
Bad News Bears, I'd like to share in my friends' infatuation and admiration
for those feisty brit-whores. I want in on the tribe. If I play their CD, of
what sounds like alley cats getting raped over and over again, enough times
while I'm soundly sleeping - will I start liking them? Sorta subliminal
messaging for rock lovers?


A Smiths & Pixies Fan"

Arye answers:

So I tried finding pics of your cuddly white tush online but I only found Paris Hilton's. Whatever. I'll take what I can get.

And "alley cats getting raped"....?!?! Exactly what are your hobbies, Smith? I've got the ASPCA on speed-dial and I won't hesitate to use it.

Moreover, Ms. Smith asks:

"Where you looking for something a bit more mainstream, like "what is your
favorite memory?"

Arye answers:

Good question. My favorite memory is when I was a child and I beat my sister at a game of Memory. Fifteen years later and she's still asking for a rematch.

Mike asks:

"Why is my dry cleaner so unfriendly?"

Arye answers:

Mike, keep this in mind: you're dropping your pants off. You're not dating them.

But seriously, I've been using the same dry cleaner for five years and the most I can get out of them is the word "starch?" Which I always say no to because God knows how I try to avoid pasta.

I had some other questions submitted but I can't find them so if you would be so kind, BBS reader, send them over to me again.


Post a Comment

<< Home