Friday, December 10, 2004


Dear Bring Back Sincerity,
So I just met this new guy and I think he’s absolutely awesome. Like the awesomest! In fact, there is no awesomer. After hanging out with him a few times, I want to let him know how I feel for him but all my friends are telling me ‘no way!’ They say I have to be cool and ‘play the game.’ You know the game, right? Play hard to get, be unavailable. It sucks but don’t we all have to play it? And if we do, then how do we guarantee a win?


Dear Pacheesi,

Step…away…from the game…slowly. Okay, you can do it. Slowwwly. NO! Too quick. Slower. Don’t make any sudden moves. No need to startle the game.

So, yeah, your friends told you that being unavailable and playing hard to get would be the best way to win the attention of your ‘trivial pursuit’ (sorry. I couldn’t resist) but your friends also told you totally have to see ‘American Wedding’ with Jason Biggs because it was “hysterical” and it so sucked. Here’s the deal, Cheesi, sometimes you need to be real and start being yourself. It’s a major ‘risk’ (oops. Did it again) and four out of five emotionally dysfunctional people wouldn’t recommend it but shouldn’t someone be into you for who you are and not for the image you create by fighting your natural instincts? Perhaps by doing so, you’re setting your relationship up for failure--by acting like someone else Awesomest is actually falling for someone else. And wouldn’t it suck when he really gets to know you and realizes that you are so into Maroon 5? Ech.
I know. I know. You’re reading this and saying, oh my gawd. He wants me to do what? Be myself? Has he gone insane? And by the way, I don’t have a thing to wear!
No, Cheesi. I haven’t gone insane but this is only the beginning of the week. Give me time yet.
A famous man once said ‘to thine own selves be true. And it must follow as the night the day. Thou cannot be false to any man’ His name was William Shakespeare and we had to read his crappy books in high school and they made no sense to us so we just rented the movies instead and they still didn’t really make sense to us, either but Claire Danes was just so cute as Juliet. ANYWAY. Shakespeare had a great point. The bard (that’s what they call him in graduate school) was telling us that we should be who we want to be and then, and only then, will we find happiness. So if you want to play the game, then please do so. You are by no means the only person socially regressing. And just to clarify; boys don’t have the cooties. Swear.
Cheesi. I can’t promise that if you act like yourself then everything will work out smoothly with Awesomest. He may not be interested. Like I said, you do like Maroon 5. But the next guy that comes along that really, really likes you back will like you. What a novel concept.
Do you get it now? Don’t play the game. Repeat after me. No, really. Repeat it. Did you? Okay. Better.
So, be a rebel. Be different. But most of all, just be yourself.



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