Monday, March 28, 2005


I am sitting at a desk in an office building. On my side is one of those large erasable boards with a message that was written and left over from Friday.
It reads:
"If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito!"

I am sitting at a desk in the offices of Entertainment Weekly as a temp. The irony of this situation has not escaped me. I have applied for seven positions at this magazine:
1. Editorial Assistant/Music
2. Editorial Assistant/Movies
3. Editorial Assistant/Books
4. Editorial Assistant/News
5. Editorial Assistant/Music (again)
6. Editorial Assistant/Television
7. Paid Internship
and have never even come as close as to having an interview. Yet I sit here answering phones and taking messages. I have been told that I am overqualified for the Editorial Assistant positions yet I can carry out similar duties one day at a time, being paid by the hour.

I would laugh if I could but as the days close in on the decade I call my Twenties, I find this more discouraging and depressing. After looking back on what I have, what I have accomplished, it's hard to take inventory of all the friends I've made. I want to see the wonderful family I have but I can't. All I can see are the let downs and a huge blown-up picture of Gwyneth Paltrow hanging across from me on the wall. Her flat lips and subtle smirk taunt me. It's not like you've made it on your own, Gwyneth. It probably helps to have famous parents.

A little to the left of her is Jake Gyllenhaal, who's last name I still don't know how to pronounce. Is it a J-like "g" or a G-like "g"? His lack of range and depth make me wonder whether I should consider switching into acting. I'm certain that I could do a better job than he can. He's been playing Donnie Darko in every film he's been in. What makes him worthy of a cover when I can't even make the masthead?

It's an odd thing, being obsessed with celebrities.

And no, I have never been in the dark with a mosquito.


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