Wednesday, July 20, 2005


I just saw a teenage boy walking down the street wearing an "Enjoy Coca Cola" T-shirt. The carefree adolescent brought me to the realization that, in recent memory, I can't recall ever seeing someone wear a Pepsi T-shirt. Never ever.
Granted "never" is a pretty definitive word. "Never" implies that I have tirelessly walked the Earth, traveled to the far corners of the globe, swam through piles of vintage clothes and suburban castaways just so I could see a Pepsi shirt. And while I have not done any of those things, I do live in New York and see a great many T-shirts and yet none of them is ever a Pepsi shirt.

Why? After all, the Pepsi logo is so patriotic. Shouldn't it be more prominent in a country during wartime? And Coca Cola wears an almost-Communistic coat of red, white and the occasional black. But Pepsi?!? Pepsi is shining in red, white and blue. The colors on a Pepsi can want you to support your President. The colors on a Pepsi can want you to wave an American flag with pride. The colors of a Pepsi can want you to listen to country music and have a Bar-B-Que. But despite Pepsi's allegiance, their shirts go unworn.

When I do a google search for "Pepsi T-shirt," I find mostly parody shirts like the Penis shirt or the Jesus shirt, both written in place of the Pepsi logo. Coke, on the other hand, results in pages and pages of matches. More people are willing to sport the wavey, slanted-albeit-relaxed logo of Coca Cola on their chest.
Is it that the Pepsi logo epitomizes mean-spirited blah? Perhaps. There's something about the subtle bitter after-taste that a Coke doesn't have that inherently projects nastiness. My eyes see that a Pepsi can embodies the true American spirit but my palette concludes that the can and its beverage are also obnoxious.

How can a beverage be obnoxious, you ask? Good question. Well, Coke, a refreshing and crisp beverage has what the Midwesterners call "pop." The Pepsi, on the other hand, carries almost an essence of salty spitefulness. When you sip the Pepsi, you are not as refreshed as you would like to be. Instead you are disappointed by the sucrose after-taste that carries an essence of artificial sweetener. A Coke bursts forth in all its cold glory with the rush of a frozen candy cane. The Coke wants to desperately please. The Pepsi wants to let you down because he is an underachiever. Pepsi would rather be left alone in the fridge then bother with your good-for-nothing thirst.

Additionally, it's always bothered me how Pepsi made their advertising so competitive. If you've been watching television of late, you'll see Pepsi mock Coke's constant reinvention while Pepsi remains true to its singular image. I have only two words in response: Crystal and Pepsi.
Why do the Cola Wars have to be actual wars with name-calling and finger pointing? Why couldn't the Cola Wars be more like a friendly game of tag where feelings go unhurt and names go uncalled?

And finally, if I recall correctly, Pepsi has always overcompensated with celebrity endorsements. There was Michael J. Fox, Michael Jackson (with his burnt hair), Cindy Crawford, Britney Spears, Beyonce, etc. Over the years, we've seen Pepsi spokespeople come and go. While sitting here, I can't come up with one Coke paid endorser. Why does Pepsi feel the need to spend millions of dollars on footage of famous celebrities drinking their beverages? What do they have to hide? Or rather, what is it that they don't have?


Blogger Brian said...

RC Cola shirts, Arye. RC COLA!

7:32 PM  
Blogger yournamehere said...

Pepsi is swill, plain and simple. I use it to clean paint brushes.

2:57 AM  
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7:27 AM  

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