Friday, September 08, 2006


Elton John's newest record The Captain And The Kid comes out on Tuesday, September 12th. The upcoming release is being touted as a sequel to 1975's acclaimed Captain Fantastic and The Dirt Brown Cowboy.

And another aging rock star Meat Loaf has also announced that he will be releasing a sequel to Bat Out Of Hell, except this will be the Loaf's third installment of the series. Bat Out Of Hell II: Back Into Hell is already out and Bat Out Of Hell III: The Monster Is Loose is out on October 31st and believe it or not, there are people waiting for it's release.

Not too long ago, I interviewed the Beastie Boys and suggested that they should make a follow-up to Paul's Boutique. My logic was that sequels are so successful for the movie industry that perhaps the music industry should try it as well. They thought I was being funny but I was completely serious. And now Elton and Meat have caught on to my thought process and are getting rich off of it.

I am a generous person by nature. I am willing to give away ideas. After all, I am an idea man and when they come to me as often as they do, I want to share them. If I keep them to myself, I feel selfish and dirty. Therefore, I am going to present my suggestions for possible rock sequels (I have tons others) and if the relevant band is reading, i.e., Bono, in one instance, please take my idea and run with it. Just give me some liner note-love. It's the least you can do.

U2: Joshua Tree 2 - This time around, some streets have names, Bono realizes the irresponsibility of bulleting the blue sky, and the band finally finds what it was looking for and all the while, they were talking about their car keys.

The Eagles - Hotel California: Still Vacant - Henley, Frey, Walsh, and Schmit check back into the Hotel California and find that this time around, the pornos available on the hotel pay-per-view are too raunchy and amatuer-esque.

Michael Jackson - Thrillest - Billie Jean is, in fact, his baby. Which makes it even creepier when he asks Billie Jean to sleep over.

Van Halen - 1985 - Van Halen reunites with David Lee Roth and records the follow-up to 1984 with the first single "Jump Again" featuring a slight change in the lyrics, "Might as well jump again/Go ahead and jump again." Otherwise, it's the same exact song.

Led Zeppelin - IV 1/2 - Robert Plan informs us that it really has been a long time since he's rocked and rolled and that he's gotta get back and so he does with a seven-minute ballad entitled "Stairway to Hell," which is about his rejection into Heaven for writing the most annoying song ever.

Green Day - European Idiot - Green Day returns after the success of American Idiot with a concept album about a rebellious Frenchman who wants to take a nap and asks (without saying "please") that you wake him up when October ends. And during that nap, he also walks down a boulevard of broken dreams and all the dialogue is over-dubbed poorly into French.

Metallica - The Black Album II: New Haircuts For Everyone - Metallica re-records their biggest hit "Unforgiven" with a heavier interpretation called "Unforgiven II." What...? They've done this already? Oh.


Post a Comment

<< Home